I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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