The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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