You're a womanizer and a bitch.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
someone owes me an orgasm
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
