You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
