I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
