Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
