Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(727): View more from Florida

she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?

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(561): View more from Florida

i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.

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(443): View more from Maryland

i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.

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(210): View more from Texas

I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano

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(806): View more from Texas

When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?

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(254): View more from Texas

That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.

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(315): View more from New York

My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.

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