Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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