My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
