We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
