I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
