i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
