I think i sorta joined a cult last night
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
