I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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