she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
