I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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