It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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