Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
