I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
