I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
