Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
