he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
