in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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