Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
