I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You need Xanax blowdarts
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
