I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
