im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
