So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
