apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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