Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Man, jail baloney is awful.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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