She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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