He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
