ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
