careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
my sisters under your porch take her home
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She told me I should be a condom model.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
