A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
