Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
