The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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