you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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