Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
