I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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