If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
