Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
