Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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