my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
