new low.... made out with someone while peeing
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
