dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
