So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
