im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
