I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
