I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
