so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Send help, water and tortillas.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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