Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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