There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
