just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
